Carol Burnett

About Carol Burnett

*Carol Creighton Burnett (Creighton??) was born on 26 April 1933 in San Antonio, TX in the thick of a lackluster cabbage patch, only to grow up to become the golden queen of televised weeknight variety shows. A U.S.-born (obviously) actress, comedian, singer, and writer, she could have done her namesake show entirely by herself but wisely decided to farm out the duties and let others lend a hand. Most prominent among these were Harvey Korman, Vicki Lawrence, Lyle Waggoner, and (later) Tim Conway. (After Harvey's departure, the show tried to reorganize itself around the hyper-talented Dick Van Dyke, but couldn't quite manage to gel.)

Her chosen vesel-to-stardom, of course, was THE CAROL BURNETT SHOW, aired on CBS from 1967 to 1978 and later syndicated and rerun at various program lengths. The program has frequently been noted as groundbreaking because the idiot executives at CBS actually let a *GIRL* run things, and also because that girl ran things brilliantly and created a true smash hit for the network. No matter how many constipated "ideas" the network tried to run by her! (Of course, to get the show on the air at all, Carol had to exploit a loophole she'd had cleverly written into her contract, tying the network's hands. But as we all know today, it worked out brilliantly!)

Carol was a true trend-setter in the sense that she was the first woman ever to host her own variety show on television (have I said that?), and if it wasn't a smash hit from the get-go, (I honestly forget) it had found its audience soon enough. It had deep roots sunk into vaudeville, which is what the REALLY old farts thought of as entertainment before television came along to divert us, far more sensibly, within our very own homes.) In any case, something about the format struck a chord with viewers, and it was perhaps the LAST long-term-successful variety show aired on television. (Carol herself has acknowledged that her format couldn't work today, if only because of how royalties work today in the music industry.)

Carol's many, many, many accolades have included 6 Prime Time Emmy Awards, a Tony, a Grammy, sixteen Georges, and 7 Golden Globe Awards. She was also awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2005, the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2013, a Screen Actor's Guild Life Achievement Award in 2015, and a Purple Heart never, because she just didn't happen to qualify for that particular medal. (Given her numerous physical pratfalls, some of which broke skin or worse, I'm not so sure I wouldn't quarrel with that non-decision.)

According to Carol herself, she used to entertain herself as a child by pretending she had a twin sister named Karen, and fooled fellow boarders into believing this true with frequent costume changes and entrances and exits. Eventually she got too tired to sustain the illusion, and no wonder! She's lucky she didn't break a hip, or something! (But it's just one more evidence that her fate was foredestined, as my psychic has assured me. It just so happens I frequently consult him about Carol's "lifeline." Not that that's weird, or anything.)

Carol's manic antics eventually proved too much for sleepy little San Antonio, so she and her grandmother loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly--or at least, the Greater Los Angeles Area. There she attended Hollywood High school, where she pursued an endless array of both boys and men to her heart's content. Once she had fished out that pond, it was time to attend UCLA and study both theater and musical comedy. (Wow, specifically "musical comedy"? That sounds awfully narrow. NTS--once again, fact-check this. Additonal NTS--make sure you have all NTS stuff cleared before you finalize! Absolutely last note-to-self within this parenthetical, I promise. Yep. It checks. You got a problem, take it up with wikipedia.)

Later on, Carol moved for a brief time to New York City and performed in its fabled nightclub district, where she had her first breakout stage hit on Broadway with "Once Upon a Mattress" (which was nominated for a Tony but didn't win, because she was just an unknown then and no one had any idea she'd one day be THE MOST FAMOUS TELEVISION ICON IN THE ENTIRE KNOWN GALAXY. Precognition can be a tricky thing.)

However, while there, she also enjoyed her first brief taste of comedic fame with her novelty single "I Made a Fool of Myself Over John Foster Dulles", who was then the U.S. Secretary of State. She was even invited to reprise it on both THE TONIGHT SHOW (hosted by whoever that was who came before Carson) and THE GARRY SHANDLING SHOW--er, the ED SULLIVAN SHOW, rather. Heady waters! (JFD was asked about the business, but like a true politician refused to discuss "matters of the heart' publicly. Classy man!)

Having conquered the whole Mafia empire thing (what did you THINK "break a leg" meant?), and finding breathing smog not much to her liking, soon enough Carol had made her (regular) television debut, appearing as a regular on THE GARRY MOORE SHOW--which is famous today only as the venue where Carol made her debut, ironically enough.

She fiddled away her time with Garry for about 3 years, winning her first television Emmy (as vs. her first film Emmy) in 1962. It was on that show she first met her later co-star, one Harvey Korman, whom she out-knuckle-wrestled (repeatedly) into jumping ship to work for her if she ever got THE BIG BREAK. (The utter fool!)

Her first television special came soon after, as Calamity Jane, on CBS. Scenting vulnerable prey in the wind, she soon moved back (again!) to Los Angeles and began her (Yikes!) ELEVEN-YEAR run as the star, czar, and commissar of the I'M-SO-EGOTISTICAL-I-NAMED-THIS-SHOW-AFTER-MYSELF show. This was very much of the "variety" format so favored back then, combining comedy sketches with song and dance numbers, and if anyone has ever done it better, I'd like to know who. I really would. Okay, Lorne Michaels' SNL *sometimes* comes near the mark, but sometimes... um, not.

The CAROL BURNETT SHOW ran from 1967 to 1978 (as I can't state often enough!), and during its (I can still hardly believe this!) *11-year* run she and her costars created a large number of memorable characters and countless "golden moments" that her fans still recall and howl about to this day. The comedy tended to be divided among movie parodies and character "bits", much like that thing Lorne Michaels later cribbed from her. (Busted, Lorne!) Both Carol and her namesake show (egotist! That just bore repeating) won numerous Emmies, some Civvies, and numerous (again) Golden Globe Awards.

(TBC after this briefish pause to draw some breath....) To the Trivia, Passepartoute!:

Carol received the first of her seventeen or so stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame sometime in "the Seventies"; my source wasn't any more specific. She chose to locate it on the exact site of a (former) theater where she had once been fired as an usherette. Poetic justice!

According to Carol's own sworn testimony, she taught herself to do the "Tarzan Yell" (which contributed to her later fame) at the age of 9. (This apparently was in-between dizzy spells brought on by running around pretending to be twins.) I have always liked her response when an audience remember requested the "Tarzan cry", and she corrected him, stating that the "Tarzan cry" was whenever Jane said "Not tonight, Tarzan."

Unable to contain her sinful lusts of the flesh, Carol has had 3 spouses over the course of her life. First was her college sweetheart, whom she married in 1955 and (quite predictably, really) divorced in 1962. Then she was married to some guy named Joe Hamilton from 1963 until 1984, having 3 children by him. (The eldest, unfortunately, succumbed to a complicated pneumonia in 2002, in one of the cruelest twists that can befall any parent. Lo siento, Bella Carol.) Finally, she tied the knot with a certain Brian Miller in 2001, whom she has not yet kicked to the curb. (Let's see, that's about a 21-year-itch, so chances look good, boys!)

She became famous for a question-and-answer segment at the start of each show, but originally she was squeamish about doing it, and many of the show's producers were also iffy. It turned out that it helped cement her into the public imagination, partly because she lewdly invited many male audience members to join her onstage for a shameless, made-for-television make-out session. (Okay, I might be exaggerating *a bit.*)

Many old-timers remember that she used to tug on her (I think) right earlobe at the end of each episode; this was a signal to her grandmother meaning "All's well here", and it became so popular that she continued even after her grandmother had passed. When her lobes were measured, years later, it turned out that the right was now significantly longer than the left!
(UPDATE: Turns out I had it exactly backward. Surprise, surprise.)

She was a longtime friend, and sometime protege, of some forgotten has-been named Lucille Ball. Whatever. Of course, her show was widely known and highly popular, drawing in many very famous guest stars over the years, including one Jimmy Stewart who decided to surprise her (with the help of Tim Conway) on the event of her very last show.

The laughable moments of the show (planned or not) are too many and various to enumerate here; Carol has written several memoirs over the years, perhaps the best of which is IN SUCH GOOD COMPANY, which won a Grammy (which I didn't even know they GAVE for literature!)

Well beyond her own show, Carol left a significant imprint on popular culture through dozens of varied appearances (before-and-after) in stage and television.

Her mother never approved of her acting ambitions, telling her, "You can always write, no matter what you look like." (Ouch. Thanks, Mom!) There have probably been few people over the years to so decisively prove a stubborn parent wrong, so congrats, Carol!

I will post any more bon mots as I come across them. Until then, ave atque vale, and peace out!

(This biography has been brought to you by the letters A & Q, and by the number 9.)